*.* A moment I Find myself on my knees *.*

I have found over the years that sometimes the best place for me to be is in a quiet place where I can kneel and ask the Lord for comfort, strength, and patience... but in the last 2 years a quiet place is hard to come by... unless I'm totally alone.

With this pregnancy I have found myself struggling to keep myself above water, trying to keep the part of me under control that I promised myself that I wouldn't show my children. On countless occasions I have found myself kneeling down not in prayer right away but to look into the eyes of a little brown eyed boy who I have wrongly hurt with my words of anger to apologize for how I acted towards him telling him Mommy shouldn't treat him that way and it was wrong me me. Nothing cuts deeper in my heart when my sweet innocent little boy tells me that he is scared... and the only reason he has is because he just saw/hears his mommy yelling at him. This subject I don't ever talk about but at this time I need to share my thoughts I feel lost and alone ... and when I turn to find a place to cry the Lord is who seems to always send my bright eyed little boy to me with his tender heart and gentle words asking ME whats wrong... placing his sweet little hands on my face telling ME everything will be okay....His light shines through Ethan's eyes and sweet spirit. My little boy is my life raft in times of my failing moments and struggle with patience. I can never express my love and gratitude enough to him to this day and the day he finds himself old enough to understand the struggles life will bring, I just hope I can be someone he finds in his times of struggles and heart ache to have comfort him.

I was really taken by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf talk on patience. He said

"As the Lord is patient with us, let us be patient with those we serve. Understand that they, like us, are imperfect. They, like us, make mistakes. They, like us, want others to give them the benefit of the doubt. Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer. Patience is a godly attribute that can heal souls, unlock treasures of knowledge and understanding, and transform ordinary men and women into saints and angels. Patience is truly a fruit of the Spirit. Patience is a process of perfection. The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls."

These statements are not in the exact order he said them but these are some things he talked about that really stuck out in my mind. I hope and pray with all the faith in my heart mind and soul that I will conquer my struggle in the end... and I'm sorry to those who have been hurt by my impatiences.

Let us continue in patience until we are perfected.

*.*Our Week*.*

Well Layne finally got his work car and was totally excited! As you can see one of the cool new features was a camera that appears on the rearview mirror when the car is in reverse.. so as U can see... he thinks its awesome. :)
Ethan and I finally went to the pool, its been so hot but the water is still a little chilly. And he was a little cold cause of the breeze but he sure had fun!
Enjoying the sun!

We have been trying to go with Layne as much as we can before the baby gets here cause once he does there will be no more going to work days with dad. :( Ethan loves going, every morning he crys and says he wants to go to work with dad so we load up our lunches and head out with him on days that I know he wont be in each house for hours. So we are having our quality time.

And this is what he does while he is waiting inside to finish up...

And of course Mothers day, came and is now gone. I was able to go and spend a couple hours getting my toes and nails done as Layne's gift to me.. and then Layne and Ethan got me a Dozen roses. :) a silly singing card and Ethan made his own . We woke up Sunday morning and both were so sick of course coughing and agh everything else, so we ended up staying home from church. Ya ya ya don't judge me. :)

I was wanting homemade waffles from my mom and Layne said well we can go to Ihop... well i felt guilty enough we didn't go to church , and the fact that they dont even come close to my moms homemade waffles I just made them... I ended up making waffles, bacon, eggs, Roast, (Layne made the potatoes), corn, chocolate chip cookies... and did the dishes. ha ha so Mothers day was grand. But Layne was good to take care of Ethan's needs.
The day was great because we got to just spend it with each other.

And of course we had music time. Layne finally got the guitar that the post office said was delivered oh 2 months ago... well it was about a week ago to a guy across the street from us so now they have some fun hooking it up to the speakers and playing away.

Ethan having some fun while dad was away for a minute.

Now this was today, May 11Th.

Ethan sometimes makes his way to our room but last night I guess he didn't get even out of his door... I woke up this morning to go check on him and there he lay pillow blankets and animals... sound asleep.

While I was cleaning he was being good just watching Elmo's World... so I thought.

UNTIL!

He decided to climb up onto the counter and get this lovely bottle of Petroleum Jelly! and this is the art he did with it...

as you can see he is no longer sitting there... he is in the bath tub saying "MOM, I AM TRYING TO COLOR!"

COME ON!!!

Well I am going to have to see if I can get the Greece look out, I got it off the couch but it still looks like I have a big old spill... GRRR. This boy is killin me, and to think I have another little monster on the way!

Till next time.

*.*Tyler's Graduation*.*

Graduation Walking back to the buses.
Proud mom of her grown up little boy.


Ty and Ethan after his graduation!

Ethan finally woke up and went right to Tyler, no doubt he just smiled and wanted him. The rest of the time we were there the only 2 people he really wanted was Tyler and Makell.

First time I saw Tyler in over a year! He looks so great!

So proud of him!

The Clan, other then Layne is takin the picture with Ethan.

This one if you look at the Sgt you can kinda see Tyler's face right the the left in the 2nd row.

The Coin Ceremony.

Getting to spend time with my family was amazing! I'm so proud of Tyler for giving his time to the Air Force to protect our Freedom. Its such an honorable thing to do and he is going to be great at his job. While we were there watching him it kept bringing me back to when we were little kids and all the fun times we had and made me think about all the times when I would get so upset because he would just follow me and my friends around, I'm glad he did. I miss him so much and am so thankful for him and the time that I was able to grow up so close to the same age, it gave us more time to spend together. He Looked awesome out there and it touches my heart every time I think about what he is doing for our country. I love you Ty and thanks for being such an amazing brother and uncle. Ethan sure loves you!

The Wildlife Ranch

Grandma Beddes and Ethan
New little babies.

At the Petting Zoo.. where I got attacked by the goats.

Ethan wanted to sit on the tractor but there was a sign that said please stay off.

This was at the Wild LIfe Ranch where the animals came right up to your car and you could feed them... a few of these crazy things put there faces RIGHT INSIDE the car... i freaked out a little.

THIS crazy bird pecked our car window and freaked out cause it wanted food.

This Donkey was right up at my window waiting for me to feed him! And there was NO ZOOM on this picture!