*.* My failing moment as a mother*.*

(This is a long post... Just to warn you before starting.)

Have you ever looked at those mothers or ARE those mothers that have their kids on a leash? I don't me the controlling ones that don't let their kids do anything, but the ones that get the cute book bag with an animal or something fun for your child and then hold on to the Tail of the money for dear life? Well I used to think it was kinda stupid... I mean I could see the use of one depending on your situation, like traveling in an airport or some place like that but not just to go to Walmart or the mall. I mean come on "watch your kid!" Harsh? Yes.

So here is my story.

Yesterday Ethan and I went with Layne to work... which means we ride around with him all over from city to city while he goes into homes and does his job and we wait out in the car.

So one of his appointments was going to be a while so he took us to the mall to walk around and so Ethan could go to the play place. Now this play place is nothing special it just has some little slides and things for them to climb on, under and whatever else they decided to do. Well, I always sit next to the entrance so that I can make sure Ethan wont escape, because he thinks its funny to see how far mom can chase him... So anyway. He was on the other end playing with some other kids and after about 10 min i walked over to him just to see how is was, even though he came running over to me every couple minutes saying "MOM I DID IT!!" and he would run back over and play. Let me remind you I could see him from where I was sitting.

After I walked back over to where I was sitting there was a small baby that was trying to take Ethan's shoes and his mom was walking over to get him. I was just helping her and just letting her know it was okay I didn't care... yada yada yada... well in the mean time I am guessing that is when Ethan made a run for it... I didn't see him because I had turned my back for ONE MINUTE to help this other mom. After a few minutes I couldn't see Ethan and I thought " He probably was just under the bridge that they were sliding down... a few minutes later I had this feeling and so I went to stand up to go check on him and I see a COP standing there with Ethan holding his hand... at first I though " Got caught trying to escape." So I stood up and said "Ethan where you going?" Of course the cop had to be all cop like... ;) Well ill just make this part quick.

He asked if he was my son, I said yes and he asked if I was looking for him. I said well I was just going to check on him cause I hadn't seen him over where he was playing. Well the cop informed me that apparently Ethan was with the cop for at least 5-10 minutes!!! He said that some guys flagged him down and told him there was a little boy playing by the water fountain with the frogs with no parents... this is where my eyes began to water.

I WAS MORTIFIED! I looked at the cop and of course said he was with you for that long?? This is where I began to doubt myself as a responsible mother.

The cop had this way about him that made me feel like kicking him in the shin but I just picked Ethan up said thank you and sat down put Ethan's shoes on and sat there just staring at Ethan thinking, My Worst Nightmare was almost my reality. It took all I had to not just have a nervous break down right there and just fall apart. The officer I think saw that I was completely upset and and finally said " Well Mam, have a good day." I couldn't even look at him because I was so upset with myself. I had NO IDEA my sweet boy was honestly wondering around with NO PROTECTION! I believe that the Lord was watching over him and me... If I would have found him not playing over there I would have freaked out even more. So in a way i was glad that officer brought him back to me instead of me having to panic and look for him...

So Leash or no Leash?

At least they don't lose their kids.

As the day went on and even now the though makes me sick. I hope that I never do something like that again... and i cant imagine the heartache that parents go through when a child of theirs is taken from them, even if it was from their own home, the feeling of failure is great.

I know he is okay... Layne told me yesterday to get over it. Sorry but you just cant get over it.. so i told him one day I hope he cant find him for just long enough to scare the crap outta him so i can tell him to "Just get over it." :)

But then again if he ever does lose him that's not what I would have really said.

Anyway, so i might join a parenting class... or just get him a dang beeper that shocks me when he gets too far from me.

I promise I'm not that terrible of a mother, but I know it will make me more of a leash kinda mom.